What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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