you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
