Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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