Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
