Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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