Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
