its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
