I'm eating all of the evidence.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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