I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
