i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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