He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
