I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
