literally had 100 drinks last night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
