Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
