I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
