Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
