I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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