Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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