Already got asked if we're dating
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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