dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
