you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
