You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
