Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
