You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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