I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
