i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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