Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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