Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
