In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
