how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
