I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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