We got so high we made milksteak
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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