I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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