Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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