Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
