i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Two words: nipple clamps
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