This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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