3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
