So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
