so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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