Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
