You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
