You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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