Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
