dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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