I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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