Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
