Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
