he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
