Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
