if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
