Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
