How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
